An Easy Write...

The following is a direct response to what was written here...

http://www.nicolavincent-abnett.com/2016/01/a-comment-on-writing-courses.html

I know, I know..!
Where have you been Bishop and come on now, it better be good right.
I apologize friends, I've been busy.  I know my favorite blogger Nik Vincent has cranked out like a dozen articles since my last one, all chock full of good topics, all waiting for the Bishop's responses.
So okay, I had my monitor crap out on me a bit ago and, since I'm poor, I'm now staring at one of those old style fatty CRT monitors, I feel like I'm right back in the year two double O four all over again.
I've also been working a butt load on my first novel, I'm up to almost forty thousand words in my second draft so there, that's where I'm at thank you very much.

So while I've been reading and trying to stay in touch with Nik's articles, well I haven't been able to dedicate a large enough chunk of time to write back, you know, in a sense.
I particularly liked the Where's Rey article as I hadn't heard much about that fuss you know.  I haven't seen the movie yet and okay, okay already, I'll spell it out for you..!
I live in a cave or as the Spanish say, "cueva".  I, the Black Bishop, exist in una cueva oscura (a dark cave) okay, it's official!

I really liked reading about writers, especially my other hero, Nik's husband Dan.  Understanding how he functions is a huge interest of mine and if I could make a book suggestion, write about being married to Dan, crikey, best seller there (at least in my home)...
So the article about writer's prompts, wow I didn't even know those existed (also for the record, I'm about to be big fat forty years old this March).  You mean people actually give away free story ideas for other poor sods to do all the hard parts..?
Jeeze that's awesome, it makes me almost want to look and see what they've got to offer or throw some ideas out there myself.  But I won't.  Perchaps I'm old fashioned like that.

Then came the article concerning writing courses and yeps, I just had to find some time, 'twas a really informative article right.
And though I'm not a famous writer (yet), well it's a topic I enjoy thinking about, I want to kick it around my noodle like an abandoned tin can for a while, listen to it rattle eh.
So if you've come here looking for an easy lesson on how to be a money making writer, well you can stop looking now.
For those of you that are persevering, (thank you and) I'll try to make it interesting huh.

I can't help but agree that spending a fortune on a "class" to learn how to be a better writer is a complete waste.  I agree with the "just meet people, have an experience" part and I want to second that I've never been to a writing class (nor a college of any sort so, there's my credentials, hah!)
Bishop!  You're talking straight from your butt wrinkle and for the love of pizza, please start making some sense..!
Okay, but you better pass me a piece (of pizza).
The problem many of us might not realize, is that educational institutions are trying to make money.  From you, from me, they don't care as long as it spends and has a dollar sign on it (or rhymes with "sounds").
Now most of these institutions don't really care about their students success (or lack of).  They really don't mind if you can't use what they taught you because, they already have your money!
To them, you are used up, spent, no longer of interest.
How many writers do you know that thank their educational institutions after they become famous?
It's not like they say, "It was only thanks to the Ohio State University that I was able to produce this".  Writers don't have sponsors or advertisers (do they?)
Mabes I should ask Pepsi Co if they'd like to put one of their logos on the cover of my new book...

The simple truth is that there is no "easy" way to become a profitable, desirable writer.  No way whatsoever, forget about it.
There are however, some very difficult things you can do, which is why some people can manage it, and some are forced to concede along the way of trying.
As a writer, when we put finger to keyboard, we are smearing parts of ourselves all over the screen (or paper if you're a neanderthal).
If those parts aren't interesting to others, aren't honestly creative and thought provoking, it's not because you didn't write it right.  It's because you're not an interesting person, a creative or a thought provoking person.
I'm sorry, don't feel all butt hurt about it.  It's not that big a deal, it just means you are average and in today's world, well there's worse you could be huh.

The life of a writer is often a very complex, very difficult one.  They are different from us, they are special and it is only because of these distinctions, that they are viewed as better than us.
Often, an expert writer will long for a different profession, they will want to be doctors or lawyers because those occupations are simple when compared to a writer's.  Many times they will be of exceptional intelligence and suffer from depression or bouts of disappointment from the world they exist in.
Many of the most creative people that I look up to, have ended their own lives.  Think about that for a minute.
They are different, a whole nother species, recognize them as such.
Then, if you still think you want to be different, act differently.  Don't go to a "school" where they will teach you to be just like everybody else.
Don't watch the tele for long periods of mind rot.  Don't be lazy but here's a helpful tip...  Be bored.  Like, extremely.
When our minds aren't bored, it is very easy to ride the currents of whatever is stimulating us.  When we become bored, very bored, our minds must invent stimuli and usually, something new and fresh will come about.
Bathe yourself in the nectar that is boredom.  Soak in that nast until you are just about insane.  They have these things called "sensory deprivation chambers" that are great for hallucinating...
But vary your boredom.  If you sat in an empty basement for six hours yesterday, walk out into a forest and spend another six today.
But wait Bishop, you're forgetting some really important parts in your ramblings.  Okay, instructions time so take out your note taking device...
Leave your phone behind!  If that's your note taking device, get out of my classroom.  No phones, no tablets, no "devices" of any kind, this is boredom after all.  We don't want you to struggle for five hours and forty minutes only to lose what would have been a brilliant idea, because your phone beeped.
No music, no tele, no computers.  Just you and your brain, mabes a notebook and old fashioned, mechanical pencil.

Your brain requires exercise and you can't "program" it with "a class".  Understand this a moment, your brain, needs to be able to work itself, on command, when you want it to.
Compare this to going to the gym to exercise your body.  When you're there, there are others exercising, you can watch 'em.  There are employees who will assist you, motivate you, scream at you to do better.  It is easy to work out in a gym.
As opposed to, exercising in a jungle, just you and your axe.  No one to shout motivations, no one to wipe down the equipment.  No encouragements and this is what it takes people, remember, it's not easy (and if it is, you're just not doing it right).

After you've figured out how to bore yourself into creative mode, repeat it.  Repeat it all day every.  But try to schedule it around the same time of day because your brain wants to be conditioned in this way.  It has it's own schedule and you will slowly figure out when it is at it's best.
For me, right around one o'clock in the afternoon, my mind's "ready".  I might not be ready and I probs spend the first thirty minutes or so, telling myself that this is absolute trash, complete junk and why are you still doing this to yourself Bishop.
But right around the forty five minute mark, I start to "wake up" and the humor comes, the entertainment begins, the cream rises.  Usually by the end of the second hour, I'm cranking at full speed and thinking this is perfection (even if it's not).

The key seems to be, treat your imagination like the spoiled little snot that it is.  You've spent so long being intellectually lazy, that when it's time to get up and work, that little snot is rolling on the floor screaming.
Smack it around, make it your boss, you're in control now and it's time to exercise.

My next lesson concerns attitude.  As in, you'll never crank out anything worth while if you're worrying about the electric bill.  You'll never produce anything good if you're worried about your girlfriend or boyfriend, your parents, your cat.
It takes a very, very clear mind to make the jelly that is spreadable.  Any occupied mind is only going to make chunks fly.
If I'm upset at my wife for being forgetful, if I'm angry at a kid for falling and breaking the door of the dishwasher...
If I'm downright hostile because my team just lost to a really crappy Spartan team causing us to miss the playoffs...
Or if I'm content and drinking a beer or smoking my cares away...
I can't produce anything worth showing to anyone.

It takes a special mindset and it takes practice.  Not practicing in "the arrival" of the perfect mindset but in the recognizing the "when" it happens.
Because we are emotional humans, none of us can control our emotions to the point where we are perfectly creative.  We have to be able to recognize it when it happens naturally, and not waste that time in contentment.
What I do is ask myself, are you feeling happy today?  If the answer is yes, I can't write today.
If I'm angry today, I can't write, again.
I have to be right smack in the middle, striving for neutral (still want to be a writer?)
And it's tough, it really is.  To stay motivated, to pour your spirit into a very fragile container and shake rapidly.

If I could ask my hero, Mr Dan Abnett only one question, it would be, "How do you prevent your hands (especially the wrists) from hurting constantly?"
Because you'll know the instant you became a writer, from the extreme pain in your wrists and your ability to ignore it while you crank out one more page, one more chapter, one more thousand words.
So I surrender, I have the pain but I still want to write.  I want to talk about the state of "intellectual properties" and how the written word is by far, the easiest to share and steal.
I want to talk about the feminism issues (because that's a topic as deep as the ocean that separates us...)
I want to talk about the water situation in a city near me (it's called Flint, Michigan and if you haven't heard about it already, look that one up huh...)
But again, the aches in my wrists are telling me that's enough for today.
For I know I shall hurt again tomorrow.  Such is the writer's life.